Does Being Bi Mean Your Into Threesomes? December 1, 2008
Posted by autumnseave in : Relationships , add a commentOf course not - it’s a stereotype, just like the stereotype that all gay men are promiscuous. We know that isn’t true. We have to stop making assumptions about people based on skin color or sexual orientation and other characteristics that are PART of who a person is.
Bliss Warrior got a letter from a bi woman about being bisexual and the guys in her life assuming that she wants threesomes. And the bottom line is:
Being bisexual is beautiful, but sometimes it takes a little life experience to understand how to live each day ethically, openly, and lovingly. We have so few friends who truly understand these complicated issues. In order to feel good again, you have to decide what you DO want.
Do You Date Online? October 18, 2008
Posted by autumnseave in : Relationships , add a commentOnline dating is by no means something new - it’s been around since the early 2000’s - but it has certainly evolved and people have gotten smarter about it. Well, some people have gotten smarter about it. Have you?
I think for those of us that have been single at some point since 2000 online dating has been something we’ve at least tried - even if we haven’t been successful. I think some of you know that I met my husband so it does work for some people. But if you’re going to date online there are things that you should consider.
Be aware that while you might be able to get to know someone in a way that you often don’t get to in real life (people will often reveal things about themselves online that they wouldn’t reveal in person) you don’t get to see them in social situations. The social aspect of dating can be very important because you get to see how a person reacts to other people, situations, and realities. By the time you meet up with the person you’ve been chatting with you may have developed an attachment and overlook things that you normally wouldn’t accept when you do get out into the real world with them.
Be cautious of people that want your email, phone number or pictures right away. They likely aren’t there just for dating. If they are very insistent on getting personal information right away, then you might want to reconsider continuing an online relationship with them. Unless, of course you are online just to hook up. And that brings about an entirely different set of warnings that is for a different post.
Know that some people are not there for dating at all but are there to scam people. If anyone brings up a “business opportunity” or “a little loan” - run for the hills! These people are out there and yes, they do get people when they are expecting it. Even if you have been chatting with them for awhile and have started to trust them, that doesn’t mean they can’t be a scammer.
Finally, trust your instincts. But don’t trust your heart. Especially if you have been looking for Mr. or Ms. Right for quite a long time it can be easy to put aside your instincts and really want to believe that “this is it!” Pay attention, look at the little things, and if they seem off to you, then listen to what your gut tells you.
Taking Charge of Your Own Pleasure August 31, 2008
Posted by autumnseave in : Sex and Sexuality, Relationships , add a commentLadies, you know what I’m talking about here don’t you. You’re with a guy and you’re having a good time, then he get’s going and before you know it it’s all over. And you’re left lying there thinking, “What the hell?” You have to take charge of your own pleasure!
One of the first things to do if you’re going to take charge of your own pleasure is learn what gives you pleasure. Masturbation is critical for your satisfaction because it helps you learn what works for you and what doesn’t. Do you like it rough or soft? What are you fantasizing about when you touch yourself? Do you need toys or can you make yourself cum without them? What do you prefer? Learning how to make yourself come is so important and if you aren’t doing it already get started. At the very least you’ll have a good time.
Now the second part is to be able to tell your partner. Now if you blush and stutter the second your partner starts to talk about sex or when you bring up the subject you might have a problem. So start slowly. Have light, sexual conversations with your partner until you are more comfortable. Then start talking about fantasies. Maybe read or listen to some sexy stories (we’ve got a nice little selection of free audioerotica here). Get more comfortable talking about sex.
Once you’re comfortable with that it will be easier to suggest things in the bedroom.
“Move your hand up just a bit hon…”
“Umm that feels good but I like it when you…even more!”
“That’s good but if it was even harder it would be awesome…”
“Can we switch positions now? I bet it would feel great if we…”
Those are just a few ways that you can ask for what you want without being hurtful. I think that is one of the most important parts of being able to ask for what you want - find a way to do it without making your partner feel that they were doing something wrong. They might have been but the bed is not the place to make them feel that way.
The bottom line is that if you’re having bad sex it is up to you to change that. And if you’re partner just won’t pony up? Ditch him. Anyone that doesn’t care about your sexual satisfaction isn’t worth being with!
Communicating August 25, 2008
Posted by autumnseave in : Relationships , add a commentGood sexual relationships are not simply a matter of pleasing your partner in bed. It is even more so a matter of pleasing your partner outside of bed in my opinion. You can’t just expect that the only thing that matters is whether or not you’ll go down or not (although at the beginning stages of a relationship that can be an important factor in deciding whether or not you want to continue the relationship or not. I once dumped a man because he wouldn’t go down and when he did try it once he acted like it was the supreme sacrifice). How you make your partner feel outside of the bedroom is really important.
In my past relationship with my children’s father we had quite good sex at times. In fact, it wasn’t until I broke up with him that I found out that not all men were as good in bed as he was. But ultimately, it was the way he made me feel out of bed that ruined our relationship. I felt like I was just an accessory to him. I was just there to complete the pretty little picture he had in his mind of what he wanted his life to be like. We rarely talked, we didn’t do anything together. I felt like I was not important to him.
Everyone needs to feel important. Everyone needs to be stimulated intellectually and emotionally. Conversation, quality time, and emotional sustenance are all an important part of a relationship that significantly contributes to the well being of a good sexual relationship.
Touch Me Babe October 23, 2007
Posted by autumnseave in : Contest, Sex and Sexuality, Relationships , 2commentsThe first person to send an email to inkyblueallusions @ inkyblueallusions.net and tell me who sang that song, the title, and the name of the album it was on will be the winner of a free e-book of my choice!
This contest has been won (yes, already) by Selena! Congrats girl!
There is something that is just so erotic about touch. Lots of people forget to slow down and just enjoy touching each other. The slow gentle caress of a lover’s hand as it moves over your body is so sensuous. It helps you to feel connected to each other and it prevents walls from building between you.
Sometimes touching someone can discover ticklish zones but that’s not a bad thing. Tickling is very sensuous and erotic as well. A light tickling wakes up the nerve endings which make you more prone to becoming aroused. This tends to be very true in women especially, but lots of guys like it, too. A light tickling along often forgotten erogenous zones like the back, the thighs, the arms, or the stomache can make you feel alive and alert like you’ve never felt before. Personally, I love, love, love to have my back tickled whether it is as a form of foreplay or just for fun.
Here’s a little game for couples to play:
Spend some time together the next time you are alone and see who caves first. Run your fingers up the inner curve of her waist, around the swell of her breast (don’t touch her nipples yet though), past her armpit, and then down her arm. Let your palm caress her face and then work your way back down again. Go all the way down to the tips of her toes. You’ll soon have her squirming in your arms. Girls, try this on your guy, too. You might have to tie him up first but what the hell right?
Touching is one of the most intimate things you can do. Even if you don’t have time or energy to make love or get into a raunchy sex session, touching each other in a sincere and meaningful way is a great way to show your partner how much you care and help them relax at the same time. It reminds them that no matter what they are going through they have someone beside them that supports them and will be with them through the whole thing is - whatever it might be.
And guys, if your lady doesn’t seem so “in the mood” lately, try this on her but don’t let it turn into sex. She might want it to but make it clear that you want her to “get a good night’s rest and just relax.” It’s not about you, it’s about her. Do this 3 or so times during a week and it will be almost a sure thing that on the weekend when the kids get to bed she’ll be almost ready to jump you!
Telling Stories October 4, 2007
Posted by admin in : Sex and Sexuality, Relationships , add a commentMy fiance likes it when I tell him stories. Not necessarily stories that I’ve written (although he likes those, too) but just fantasies, stories of my past, or stories of things to come.
I like to tell him about Peaches because he loves it and it gets him so hard. What guy doesn’t love having his fantasies indulged. Will I ever fulfill his girl/girl fantasies. Maybe. But until then, he gets lots of stories.
He’ll start by asking me, “Tell me about Peaches and you.”
“What do you want to know? About how she loves kissing? She does. She could kiss me for hours. She’d run the tip of her tongue over my lips and then her tongue would dart inside my mouth and she’d kiss me passionately. Long wet kisses that lasted forever.”
He’d still be just listening intently.
“And my breasts. God, she couldn’t keep her hands off them. Sometimes she’d come up behind me at work for a quick fondle when no one was looking. And sometimes when someone was looking. She was such a tease. But when we were alone…”
And he’d reach out and slip his hand under my shirt an start rubbing my nipple.
“When we were alone she couldn’t resist touching them. She’d cup them both in her hands and rub her thumbs over the nipples until they were nice and hard. And then she’d reach out with that pretty pink tongue…she’d circle around the tips until I was moaning and then she’d take it in her mouth and suck. And I used to watch her because I loved the look of the paleness of my breast against her red lips. She’d happily sit there sucking my breasts, pinching the nipples and playing with me until my pussy was aching for her to touch me.”
By that point he’d be sucking at my nipples, too. And his hand would slide into my panties where he’d find me very wet.
“Then when I’d finally beg her to touch me, she’d slide her fingers between my legs and rub my clit. She’d pull it between her thumb and finger and then she’d slip her fingers right inside me. She’d fuck me nice and slow with her fingers as her thumb rubbed against my clit. And she’d keep doing that and sucking my tits until I was grinding my pussy against her hand and moaning….yes, yes, yes…”
And now those yes’s would be for him because he’d be between my legs with his wonderful tongue, making me writhe in pleasure.
Usually I don’t get to finish the story because we get a little distracted. Maybe someday he’ll get to see how the story ends.
Cheer Me Up, Tie Me Up October 2, 2007
Posted by admin in : Relationships , add a commentThis may not come as a surprise to many of you, but a new study has found that men who participate in BDSM activities are more likely to be happy! Yay! Finally, some scientific evidence that shows that people who are into a little (or a lot of) rough play are not sad, depressed, individuals. I mean, we’ve always known that, but society as a whole has a warped idea about BDSM.
Dr. Richters says, “men into BDSM scored significantly better on a scale of psychological wellbeing than other men” and are likely to be happier as a result of their behavior. Well, duh. Do you think it might have something to do with the fact that they aren’t denying their sexual needs and accept themselves for who they are?
The truth is, people who hold back their normal sexual desires, people who deny their fantasies, people who feel guilty for being sexual beings have a whole range of difficulties in other parts of their lives. If you are holding back in the bedroom, chances are you’re holding back elsewhere as well. Maybe you’re boss takes advantage of you but you don’t say anything because it isn’t appropriate. Or perhaps you are the child that always does what your parent expect despite the fact that it isn’t what you want and you don’t even live in their house anymore.
Denying our needs is harmful to our psychological balance. Letting our desires have room to play in a safe, adult, consensual manner helps us feel in control - even if it means giving up control. And in the long run, it makes us happier.
So, I’m thrilled to find out that this Australian study is going public with some honest sexual findings!
The Day I’ve Dreamt Of September 30, 2006
Posted by autumnseave in : Relationships, Announcements , add a commentEveryone dreams of certain days in their lives that they know (or hope) will come. I used to dream of my children’s births a lot. And that has come and gone and I know I will always treasure those memories. Now I have a new memory to treasure.
I was sitting on the couch last night with my Hoobly (my pet name for my boyfriend) and we were relaxing. He had his arm around me and I had my head on his shoulder. Then he kissed me and told me he loved me and I said I loved him too. “Will you marry me?” he said. I thought he was just saying, someday. I said “Of course”, still lighthearted and playful. Then he paused, looked me in the eyes and pulled out a ring box he’d hidden in the cushions.
“No, will you marry me?”
Tears came to my eyes and I immediately said yes.
So, yes, dear friends. I am engaged! A beautiful solitare in a white gold band. I am so thrilled! Now I have a wedding to plan and a dress to shop for and socials to plan. So exciting! Yay!
Missing My Baby July 22, 2006
Posted by autumnseave in : Relationships , add a commentReally, really missing my baby tonite. He’s been away “parent-sitting” for one of his friends who are out of town. I love that - parent-sitting. Heh.
You know, I always miss the sex. We both do. I am relieve to have finally found a man that likes sex as much as I do and is equally happy to be pleasing me as to have me please him. But I really miss the intimacy - his touch, his very presence, his warmth. Those things are so little but so huge at the same time.
The very fact that he loves my erotica is inspiring. He read the last segments of Sorority (http://www.inkyblueallusions.net/sorority.htm) and just loved it. He can’t get over the fact that I have such a dirty mind, yet can write this stuff while I’m sitting at a table at the public pool watching my kids swim! Heh. And I think I have him thinking about things he’s never even considered before. That’s always a good thing. I think partners should challenge each other’s boundaries as well as accept the hardcore boundaries that have been set.
What boundaries are you willing to cross? Which one are untouchable?
Letter to my Love July 21, 2006
Posted by autumnseave in : Relationships , add a commentMy Dearest,
I couldn’t help thinking about you last night. Our conversations on the phone throughout the day were making me crazy. I swore I was going to stay away from the toys and save myself for you but I broke.
I started with my fingers, pulling at my nipples, gently rubbing my clit. My fingers dipped inside my pussy and I was so wet thinking about you and that glorious tongue and the way you finger fuck me.But it wasn’t enough.
I want the feeling you give me when you are hard inside me. I can’t duplicate that with any toy but my imagination helps. Out came that black vibrator and my mini-bullet. A little lube and I was set to go.
I rubbed the bullet over my clit for a few moments and thought of your tongue and how you flicker it against me. Then I lubed up that vibrator . . . and pointed it straight at my little brown rose bud.
I balanced under my knees, imagining myself straddling you in a reverse cowboy. I reached between my legs to position myself over that cock and kept the image of your cock at the ready at my back door in my mind. Slowly, ever so slowly, I began to lower my clenched hole over the tip of that cock.
I took more and more inside my dark tunnel until it was as deep inside me as I could get it.Then, as I began to ride it, thinking about how your hips would rock as you pushed your way inside me, I turned on the bullet. I could almost feel your finger dip inside my cunt and play over my hard nub. My mind screamed, “Fuck me, fuck my ass baby!” and I rode that cock a little harder.
It didn’t take long before my muscles began to clench around the tool in my ass. Even though there was no one there to hear me, I was moaning out loud, “Yes, baby, yes. Give it all to me!” and wondering if any of my neighbors lurked outside my bedroom window. As I remembered the heat of the fullness of your hand smacking my bottom with increasing firmness, I came hard, muscles convulsing and sucking that cock deeper into my cavern.
I miss you so much baby.
